


Without the Bitter, The Sweet Isn't As Sweet

by draymckay



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2018-12-12 04:36:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draymckay/pseuds/draymckay
Summary: Louis Tomlinson is left a broken-hearted mess after his boyfriend, Harry Styles, decides to leave One Direction to pursue a solo career. With a series of obstacles set before the duo, will they be able to find their way back home to one another?***EDIT: this is temporarily abandoned.***





	1. Warnings and Acknowledgements

Hello all!

This is my first shot at posting something I've written for everyone to see, so keep that in mind. With that being said, I wanted to say a few things in advance.

Firstly, I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS, SONGS, OR ANYTHING ELSE. 

I will be using songs by other artists so obviously I don't own any of that either. I will probably be adding a playlist to go along with this as well so if anyone is interested in checking out the music choices they can. 

This is a work of FICTION. Yes, I know, this isn't how things actually happened, but that's the beauty of writing. You create your own world.

I didn't use tags, mostly because I didn't want to spoil anything. However, I will say this: this fic is full of angst, heartbreak, and surprises, but I PROMISE there is a happy ending. If you feel like you need to ask about a certain trigger, please do so, and I will let you know if you need to skip over anything. I'll add tags as I go, but for now, I'm leaving them off. 

Lastly, I want to thank my very best friend, Shania, for being my beta and editing/writing this with me. I seriously don't think I could do this without you. Thank you for not judging my insights, my ideas, or anything else I put in front of you. <3 You are AMAZING and nothing less. 

 

I will be posting the first chapter either late tonight or first thing tomorrow!

Hope you enjoy!


	2. The Last Something That Meant Anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves!  
> Here is the first chapter as promised! (:  
> I will update at least weekly, maybe more depending how much free time I have!  
> As always, thank you to Shania for being my side-kick in all this.   
> Even though this fic is super angsty, I do promise a happy ending (;   
> The song stuck in my head for this particular chapter is:  
> The Last Something That Meant Anything by Mayday Parade (hence the title.)
> 
> Let me know if you like it! <3

It had been a year since One Direction announced their hiatus. If you could call it that. They assured the fans they would be back and maybe at the time it were true or maybe they were just wishful thinking. No matter the reasons, here they are a year later about to see each other for the first time in person since the break for a meeting to discuss how to proceed. In other words, if the band were planning to reunite.

Louis was always late. Infamous for it really. So it was no surprise when he finally showed up forty five minutes late. All of the other boys were waiting for him, sitting around the large conference table across from their mangement team and lawyers; He felt the mood of the room shift as he sat down. Before Louis could even ask, he knew something wasn't right. Liam was the first to speak up, "Harry, is this what you really want?"  
Louis' eyes flickered straight to Harry who simply hung his head down and whispered a barely audible, 'Yes.'

"What is he on about, Harry?" the oldest of the boys asked him. He shot glances at Zayn and Niall trying to find any answer to Liams omnious question, but their faces fell.  
"He's leaving the band, Lou. His record is doing amazing. He wants to be the new 'popstar Harry'." Zayn used air quotations around the last part as he practically spat the words, but Louis lost all interest in what he was saying. Louis felt the tears rising up in his eyes as he rushed out of the door. Sure he heard the boys calling for him but it didn't matter. Harry actually chose to leave.  
______________________________________________________

Louis knows how he ended up here at their joint flat. It was the only place he still had that had any happy memories. Memories of the two of them. Coincidenally, and unfortunately for Louis, Harry knew where he'd be. Which is how he ended up in this particular argument.

"No. I refuse to believe you. Thats it?" Louis whispered losing every ounce of fight in his voice. "I was just some fling to you? It never mattered? _I_ never mattered?" Green eyes snapped up to meet Louis' but the hurt just wasn't mirrored there.  
"Believe it, Louis. I don't love you anymore. Maybe I never truly did. My solo career has taken off. I would be stupid to think our band would last, much less be as successful. You're holding me back."  
"That's rich coming from you, Harry. I was the one always supporting you. Every interview I had while we were on break, I sang your praises. I have done nothing but support you this entire time!"  
"Louis, please don't do this. I didn't come here to fight. I thought you knew what we had was just- just a stupid infatuation. I'm not gay, Louis, I never was. Why did you never understand that?" The words flowed out of Harry's mouth so easily it was as if he had rehearsed this conversation for months. Maybe he did Louis thought to himself. He knew exactly what words to use against the older boy. Louis sucked in a breath at the words and slapped Harry hard.  
"Don't you dare try to dismiss what he had as some curiosity fling to test your sexuality! Don't you dare." Louis' voice was shaking now, fists clenched hard against his sides. He could feel his fingernails digging into the soft skin of his palm but he didn't care.  
"Louis, I know you want more from me, but I never did. You were just a trial. To see if I liked it. Once I saw how you begged for me, it just fed my ego. Nothing more. I'm sorry you didn't see that." 

Honestly, neither of the boys knew when Zayn appeared or how much he had heard, but Harry didn't stick around for Zayn to ask him to leave twice. Harry was a lot of things, but stupid wasn't one of them. 

Louis collapsed to the floor as soon as the door shut behind Harry. He had no motivation to get back up and even if he did he wasn't entirely sure his legs would support him. Thankfully, Zayn was there to pick up the pieces. Zayn gently sat down beside him and crossed his legs whilst pulling Louis closer to his chest. They didn't speak for hours; they just sat in a comfortable silence. Zayn let him cry himself to sleep because words just simply weren't enough.

\----------------------------------

When Louis woke up he was so warm-- it didn't take him long to realize the tattooed arm wrapped around him. His eyes shot open and moved to find none other than Zayn laying behind him in the floor as well. "Oi, what time is it, mate?" the dark haired boy asked as he used his arm to shield his eyes. Zayn never was a morning person. As the memories flooded back to Louis of what happened the night before he felt his chest getting tighter with every breath. Harry.  
Louis ran for the bathroom, closed the door, and barely made it to the toilet before releasing the bile that had built up. He flushed it down and slid himself down onto the cool tile floor. He just layed there, emotionless. 

It's not that Louis didn't hear the knocks at the door for two days, he just didn't care. He knew the other boys were worried about him which is why he would simply acknowledge them with a groan every couple of hours to prove he wasn't dead, though he wished he was. Death would be easier to handle. He just wanted to be left alone. 

Liam is first to be brave and decide to actually open the door and step inside. Louis is lying flat on the ground, eyes red from crying and his white shirt almost transparent from catching his tears. He didn't even express that he knew Liam was there. Liam simply laid beside him, face to face, even though Louis' eyes were anywhere but there.  
"Hey, Lou." he whispered. "Maybe you should change your clothes, yeah? Take a shower. Get some food. You'll feel-"  
"Stop it. Just stop. Please, just go away." Louis voice was stern, but broken. Liam knew that the only thing that was going to move Louis out of that bathroom any time soon was if a miracle happened. He knew what Louis and Harry had was special- once in a lifetime even. Nobody could truly explain the aura of the room when they were together. So he knew whatever Louis was feeling now, was worse than anyone could imagine. So Liam did exactly as Louis asked. "I'm so sorry, Lou." he whispered and left the bathroom. 

Niall was next. If Louis is being honest, it was actually kind of nice to see Niall's always smiling face when he came inside. Niall always was such a cheery guy. So when Niall came in and laid beside him, engulfing himself around Louis, he will admit, it made him feel a bit better. Niall didn't speak, not at first. He simply there. It didn't last long but eventually he said, "This thing you're doing, Lou, it isn't healthy. I know you're hurting, hell, who wouldn't be? You gotta get up eventually, mate."  
Louis made no effort to respond. He knew he was a pathetic mess right now, but that's how he felt. It wasn't worth trying to get up and act like everything was okay because it wasn't. Niall gave Louis one last squeeze before getting up and closing the bathroom door behind him. 

Louis laid there for what felt like hours after Niall left. Never moving from the spot he fell too. He was no longer sobbing, only crying a constant stream of soft tears. That's how Zayn found him when he came in. Louis squeezed his eyes shut hoping if he wished it enough that Zayn would just leave well enough alone, but Zayn was Louis' very best friend and he wasn't giving up that easily.  
"I don't know what to say to you, Lou." he said as he made his usual spot right beside Louis, but keeping a distance and laying on his back.  
"Yeah, well, I don't know what to say to me either." It was the most emotion he had shown in days. Zayn took Louis' hand and gave it a small squeeze. He wanted to say something but Louis spoke again. "Do you ever feel like you're moving in slow motion? Everything keeps going as it always has, but I'm stuck, sitting in this bathroom waiting to catch up. Waiting for something to get me off of this floor. I don't know how this happened. I don't know how to be this person-this, this shell of a human being. Everybodys just waiting for me to scream or flip out or off myself. I'm not sure I can do this." Louis started sobbing, and repeating 'I can't do this' over and over until it was barely even audible. Zayn felt a tear fall down his own cheek as he told Louis, "I'm here, Lou. We all are."  
_____________________________________________  
Niall and Liam were sitting on the couch outside watching some program on the telly even though neither of them were actually paying attention. They were worried for their friend. Sure, it hurt that Harry betrayed them and went solo for good, but they weren't as invested as Louis. They loved each other, anybody with two eyes could see it. They weren't sure what changed, but Harry wasn't the same boy that had grown to know. He wasn't himself. 

Liam thought back to when Harry first told Louis he loved him. They were singing their newest single at the time, Little Things. The boys were seated on the stage, taking a break from their hyperactive stage presence and taking it all in. It was Harry's solo, and the crowd was silent which was a rarity in itself, but when Harry belted out, 'I'm in love with Lou, and all his little things' the crowd roared louder than ever. Louis' mouth hung open in shock trying to process the words while Zayn sat above him and smiled. Everyone had been so happy that night. 

Liam was shaken from his thoughts by the all too familiar sound of a faucet turning accompanied with the noise which could only be water filling continuously into a tub. A beat later, the door slowly opened as Zayn stepped from behind it. “M’gonna get Louis some fresh clothes and get ‘m cleaned up a bit.” He spoke lowly, running a hand through his dark locks as he heaved a sigh. Liam and Niall both turned to each other, heads nodding simultaneously in a form of silent agreement. They then stood to exit the room as Zayn continued on with his mission. He walked into Louis' room--quickly locating a pair of shorts and jumper for him to wear, yet careful not to choose any of which belonged to Harry, before returning to the bathroom. Zayn stepped inside the small, slowly heating room-- placing the clothes beside the sink on the counter as he looked down at Louis.

"Okay, ‘m going to get you up now, yeah? We'll get you cleaned up and into the bed. If nothing else you'll be more comfortable." Louis didn't reply, but he gave Zayn a promising nod and wrapped his arms around Zayn's neck as he was scooped into his arms. Zayn moved to close the lid of the toilet seat prior to sitting Louis down on it as he made work on Louis’ clothes. He moved back—allowing the boy room as he proceeded to grasp the ends of his tear-stained shirt. Cautiously, he began pulling it upward and over the smaller lad’s head. Zayn could see the chill bumps rising to the surface of his soft skin as he inched his hands down a tad lower to undo the buckle of his belt. Zayn’s eyes hurriedly darted to the side as he finished removing Louis’ clothing—wanting to give his friend as much privacy as he possibly could. As he placed Louis gingerly into the soothing water, a low moan filled the room. Zayn sat down on his knees, face level with that of the other lad. A slight smile twitched at the corners of his lips and Zayn returned the simple gesture before grabbing a cloth and submerging it underneath the steamy liquid. Leaning over, he began to run the damp rag across Louis’s arms, down his chest, over his thighs, down his back, along his legs. As he finished with his bottom half, Zayn’s eyes trailed up to land on Louis’ cock. He isn’t quite sure what overcame him, however he proceeded to grasp him with the cloth—earning a choked, yet surprised sound from the boy. Zayn’s eyes immediately caught Louis’ as he quickly moved his hand away. “ ‘M sorry, Lou, I—“ 

“Don’t stop.” Louis murmured as he tugged his lower lip between his teeth. “W-what?” Zayn stuttered, his heart now racing dangerously fast within the confines of chest. “Touch me again. .please” Louis continued huskily. “Lou—I” But Louis grabbed his hand before he could muster another word, slipping it gently against his member. Louis head fell to rest against the back of the tub as he removed his hand from atop of his friend’s. Zayn tried to contemplate the entire situation in his mind, but with Louis laid out naked before him he could barely focus on anything. Hesitantly, he grasped his friend’s cock once more—beginning to stroke lightly from the base to the tip which earned him a series of moans from Louis. “Faster.” Louis urged, quietly, and Zayn took that as his cue. His hand tightened around Louis’ cock as he proceeded to pump faster. He tore his eyes from Louis, watching as the water splashed about in the tub—watching the way his hand worked his friend over, unintentionally causing his own member to twitch within his jeans. “Zayn..Z..ahh..” Louis chided as his hips rocked upwards to meet Zayn’s pace. “ ‘M not gonna last..” And with that, Zayn swiped his thumb over the tip of his cock—causing Louis hips to falter in their movements. “God..yesss..” Louis cried out as Zayn continued his ministrations, squeezing gently from base to tip. And with that, Louis exploded—a strangled cry leaving his pink lips as his hips jerked from the intensity of his orgasm. Zayn’s hand stilled, a single finger trailing along the length of Louis now softening dick. “That..was..” Louis breathed, unable to finish his sentence, nodding off. Zayn just gave him an infamous smirk before cleaning his hand off in the water and bowing his head. 

\--------------------------------

The next morning Louis awoke in his own bed, struggling to remember how he got there or how he ended up in new clothes. After being in a near catatonic state for days, he was just thankful he wasn't as sore as he expected. As he rolled onto his side he noticed the sun trying to peep through the curtains of the window. Contrary to what Louis believed, the world kept turning, the sun was still shining, despite him wanting otherwise. That's when he decided if the world was still going to go on, so would he. He could at least get up, shower, and try to eat. One day at a time right?

He pattered his way down the hallway to see Zayn sleeping soundly on the couch. He made a mental note to thank him later for being the stand up guy he is and continued toward the bathroom. That's when the panic struck Louis and he realized the full events of the night before. The wave of emotions hit him like lightning and he froze in his spot, clutching his chest for air. The guilt was almost more than he could take in his fragile state. Why had he urged Zayn to keep going? Why didn't he stop him? Sure, he had enjoyed it, but Zayn is his best friend. That wasn't supposed to happen. Louis decided that just because the sun came up, doesn't mean the world isn't ending after all, so he retreated back to his room and locked the door. 

A few hours later, Louis was still laying on his back staring at the revolving ceiling fan, when there was a knock on his door. "Mate, you okay? I know you're awake." Louis didn't answer, instead he rolled onto his side and pulled the duvet over his head.

"Louis, we're not starting this again. Unlock the damn door." Sighing, Louis went to unlock it and walked briskly back to the bed, ignoring Zayn's presence because he just couldn't lose another friend right now. Zayn sat down on the bed beside of his friend. Not speaking, not moving, just refusing to leave him. After the silence was beginning to be unbearable, Louis spoke up.  
"Why did you do it?" he whispered as a tear began to fall down his face.

"Because you needed it, Lou. You needed to feel something, anything. I told you I'd be here for you and I meant it. Whatever you need, I'll do it." There was no judgment or guilt when Louis finally made eye contact with him. Just a sincere look, saying it was all okay. Louis muttered an inaudible 'thank you' and curled up beside Zayn.  
"Well since that awkward conversation is out of the way, get up, get dressed, take a shower. We're going to Nando's!"

Louis rolled his eyes, but he did just as Zayn said. Maybe, just maybe, things would get easier.


	3. Miserable At Best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, again!
> 
> Sorry its taken me a while to get this chapter out! Things have been a little hectic here.  
> As always, thanks to Shania for proof-reading and editing my mess. <3 You're Heaven sent. 
> 
> I listened to this writing this chapter:  
> Can I Be Him? - James Arthur

A few weeks had went by since Zayn finally got Louis out of the apartment. Life hadn't returned to normal by any means, but at least he was falling into some type of a routine. Wake up, shower, eat, write music, sleep --repeat. It wasn't much, but it was enough. Louis had given the boys some of the material he had been working on. Admittedly, most of it was crap -just mere ramblings of thoughts he couldn't process for longer than a few minutes at a time without falling apart. It seemed as if Harry was still able to weave his way into Louis' mind-become a part of him even when longed to let go. Their single had been released a couple weeks ago, topping the charts almost instantaneously, to everyone's surprise. None of the boys expected it to be as popular after losing one of their most prized members. 

Louis had been laying on the couch, trying to decide when he last ate when Niall came crashing through the door yelling something about how Louis was a lyrical genius.  
"Louis, have I told you lately how amazing you are?" the Irish boy asked smiling from ear to ear. "You have single handedly landed us a spot at the Brits!"  
"What are you on about, leprechaun? What do you mean the Brits?"  
"The single, Lou! You wrote it! We just got our invitation to come perform!!"  
Louis didn't know whether he should be ecstatic or if he wanted to throw up. Sure, the single had taken off well, all things considered, but it was about his ended relationship and well, he just wasn't sure if he was ready for that. 'No' he thought to himself, 'fuck that. We deserve this.'  
"We're going to the Brits, Nialler! Best call up the boys because its time to celebrate!"  
\---------------------------------  
Harry remembers the first time he hears it. Louis' voice on the radio pouring out from the speakers of his Range Rover. Sure, he had debated turning it off, but the soft hum of the song and the harmony of the voices made it hard to ignore. Louis rarely did solos and his voice was so prominent. He knew the boys would continue without him, but it was still a shock how quickly they had done so, not to mention just how well their single had done. He wanted to be mad, wanted to scream how incredibly stupid they were for continuing on, yet, he sat there listening.  
When the lyrics finally resonated in his ears, it took every bit of strength he had to not call Louis and ask him what the fuck he was getting at with some of those lyrics. With his jaw clenched tight, he threw his back onto the headrest and listened:

_Nothing goes as planned_  
_Everything will break_  
_People say goodbye in their own special way_  
_All that you rely on_  
_And all that you can take_  
_Will leave you in the morning, but find you in the day._  
_oh, you're in my veins and I cannot get you out_  
_oh, you're all I taste at night inside of my mouth_  
_oh, you run away cause I am not what you found_  
_oh, you're in my veins and I cannot get you out_  
\---------------  
"Another round, boys!" Louis yelled, as he raised his glass into the air slinging one arm around Niall. Liam shot him a look of worry, but decided if anybody deserved to feel better for a while, it was Louis.  
Zayn must have known Louis was going to be wasted because he agreed to the celebration, but only if they had it in the privacy of the flat. No papparazzi, no fans, no damage control. Thankfully, their security agreed to go to the liquor store for them and save the hassle of even being stopped.  
"Listen up, lads!" Niall had stood on top of the barstool clinking a spoon against the beer he was holding. "We are LEGENDS. We are going to the BRITS! We are living the dream, mates! I want to thank you boys!" The stool wobbled beneath him, almost knocking him to the floor.  
"Easy, Nialler, we can't perform if you break your neck." Louis said smiling. Nobody commented, but everyone enjoyed seeing Louis smile. Even if he wouldn't remember it tomorrow.  
"Okay, boys." Liam started, "This is enough for tonight. We have rehearsal tomorrow and nobody wants to feel like shit." So he grabbed the bottles from the boys and walked them over to the trash can. 

____

\----------------------------------------

"What do you mean they'll be at the BRITS?!" Harry echoed through the phone to his assistant, Sarah.  
"They were invited to perform. Don't worry about it, they're not up for an award. The single wasn't released in time. I'll make sure the interviews are taken care of and-"  
Harry wasn't listening. He was furious. Just once, he wanted to attend an award show as a solo, but he was still being haunted by the band.  
"Are you there, Harry?" she asked from the other end of the line.  
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." and he hung up. For the first time since he left he felt a bit of guilt rising in his stomach. He obviously missed the boys; they had become like brothers to him after all, but he had to do what was right for him, business speaking of course.  
He didn't really keep up with them, he tried not to anyway, but they always seemed to pop up somehow. He couldn't go in a store without seeing their faces on a cd or magazine. Usually he had just rolled his eyes and dealt with it, but today nostalgia was hitting him hard. He remembered the first time that they all saw their faces on a cover and how excited they had been. Harry felt a smile creeping on his face, but he quickly diminished it. He didn't have time to reminisce, he had more important things to do. 

\------------------------------------------

Louis was excited, happy even, when he woke up the morning of the BRIT awards. He felt truly ready to try a new start and move on from being hurt. This was just what he needed; which is probably why he had been up for hours and had been sitting on the bed just waiting for the clock to hit three so he could leave. He wasn't exactly excited to perform the song that he poured his heart into in front of hundreds of people persay, but due to the circumstances Louis told himself it would be therapeutic. 

"Louuuuuuuuuu! You ready to go? The car is gonna be here any minute!" Niall yelled into the flat. He heard the shuffing of footsteps, so he knew all of the boys were there. Louis is gonna have to remember to change the locks if he ever wants any privacy. He quickly stumbled out from the bedroom ready to go with the boys.  
The boys hadn't seen their stylist, Lou, in what felt like ages. She was always so welcoming and did her job flawlessly. She could make them look like models without even trying. "Hello, my boys! Lovely to see you lot again, but it looks like I have some work to do. Who's first?" she chirped in a sing-song tone.  
After about an hour she finally had the boys looking their best and ready to change into their suits. She had personally picked all of the suits for them, tailoring to their personalities, bodies, and just overall look.

The boys went into their separate dressing rooms, which was a first for Louis. He always shared a room with Harry from their first days at the X Factor. He inhaled a deep breath, shook his head, and closed the door behind him. He unzipped the bag and saw a navy blue suit with a white shirt underneath. 'Not bad' he thought and began to re-dress. Right as he was throwing on his jacket, Zayn peeped his head in the door."You look great, Louis." he told him.

Louis looked Zayn over before replying. He had on black skinnies, black button up, with a black leather jacket. Damn him for always being model ready, no matter what the occassion. "Thanks, mate. You look proper fit yourself." Louis nodded in agreement, momentarily glancing away from the other lad.  
Niall and Louis joined in the room moments later looking dashing as well keeping up the blue and black theme. Niall wore an all blue suit while Liam wore blue pants with a black vest. It was just like old times. 

"He's gonna lose it, ya know? When he sees ya in those pants." Niall spoke up, giddy as ever, before the room fell silent. "Zayn, d- you not tell 'm?"  
Louis' eyes shot straight to Zayn, silently pleading with him not to say what he knew was inevitable. "Zayn..."  
"Look, Louis, we didn't want to tell you before because we knew you wouldn't come tonight. You deserve this, we deserve this, and I'll be damned if he ruins this too." Zayn told the older boy who was now fighting back tears.  
"You should have told me. I can't do this. I- I just- I can't face him, Zayn."  
"You can and you will." Liam spoke up. Louis let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding and all of the boys wrapped themseleves around him. "We're doing this together."  
\-------------------------------------------------------  
Harry, of course, looked perfect in his Gucci suit with his curls falling down his shoulders. Harry always knew guys and girls alike swooned over his curls and dimples and today would be no different. He wasn't vain by any means, but he knew the effect he had on people.  
Harry had promised to stop to talk to a few reporters (or so Sarah had told him) so he arrived to the venue early just to be sure to have time. The second he stepped out of the car, he heard the deafening screams and blinding lights from the paparazzi.  
He walked toward the entrance of the venue stopping for photos, as he went to his first interview.

"Our first guest tonight is none other than Harry Styles!" the blonde lady recited as she smiled brightly into the camera. "How does it feel to be on the red carpet again?"  
"Great, yeah. It's nice to be back out here." he smiled politely, using all of his boyish charm. Harry just had something about him that everyone just radiated in his presence.  
"I hear One Direction is going to be here as well! Are you excited for the boys to be performing?"  
Harry's smile faltered but he tried not to show it. "Yeah, I'm very happy for them. They deserve it."  
Right before the interviewer could ask another question, the deafening screams started again. Everyone, including Harry turned to see who it was. That's when Harry first saw them, exiting the limo and onto the carpet.  
Liam stepped out first, then Niall, followed by Louis, with Zayn close on his heels. The boys were absolutely glowing. They didn't stop for any photos, simply waved and made their way into the venue- presumably to talk over the schedule. Oddly, Harry almost wished he was with them.

Harry hadn't even noticed he had walked away from the reporter. 

\--------------------------------------------

The boys had promised they'd do one interview, but their assistant told them it would be held inside due to the fact it would be too loud with the screaming fans. They didn't have time to stop to talk to fans or photos since Louis just had to make sure he looked good every five minutes, making them run late again.

They boys huddled around the reporter as she introduced herself and the band. "Welcome, boys! It's been a while since we've had you guys here with us. Only one short now!" she smiled. Louis knew she probably meant well but the words hit Louis harder than he cared to admit. Instinctively Zayn already had a hand around Louis' waist to support him.  
"Yeah, yeah. We're glad to be back. It's nice." Liam nodded, saving the day as always. He didn't get the nick name 'Daddy Direction' for nothing.  
"So boys, the single! It's done amazingly well! What are your thoughts on it?"  
"We're buzzing!" Louis said. He was determined to make this a good experience and he'd be damned if he let Harry ruin this without even trying.  
"Yeah, Lou here is a real genius. He wrote this one and um we all love it. We're happy it's taken off." Niall said in his usual chipper tone. "We can't wait to see how the album does."  
"You heard it, folks. One Direction will be releasing another album! Boys, thank you again for taking time to have this interview today! Good luck tonight!" They all nodded graciously and began to head to their assigned placements inside. 

\--------------------------------------------

Louis didn't know if it was accident or pure bad luck, but their table was seated only a few away from Harry, with an almost perfect view. Rolling his eyes and taking a deep breath, he managed to sit down without making a bigger deal out of it than necessary. It must have worked because none of the others even mentioned it, thought he was aware they knew.  
People began to pour in by the hundreds and Louis was starting to feel the jitters of performing tonight. If he said it was something you get used to, he would be lying. The thrill of the screams, the voices echoing your lyrics back to you is just all to over-whelming to even be able to comprehend. He looked around the room, trying to calm his nerves when his eyes locked with Harry's green. Even though it felt like it lasted ages, the glance was over as soon as it begun. 

Louis wasn't expecting Harry to care, really he wasn't. Maybe he had just hoped that he would try to put on another facade, for old times sake, -or for you know, the cameras. He knew he was wishful thinking, but he refused to let him ruin his night so he quickly joined into the mundane conversations around him.

Shortly after the ceremony started, a woman in a black suit was approaching their table to let them know to head backstage for their performance. The nerves hit Louis like a ton of bricks.  
He was barely going through the motions as he walked to the stage. It was dimly lit, with only a few spotlights on him and the boys as they stood side by side with their microphones in hand, Louis just a step in front of the others.  
The crowd was cheering and clapping as the music started. Louis found a spot in the back of the room to stare at to keep his nerves down, as he shakily lifted his microphone to sing the first verse.

_Nothing goes as planned_  
_Everything will break_  
_People say goodbye_  
_In their own special way_  
_All that you rely on_  
_And all that you can fake_  
_Will leave you in the morning  
_But find you in the day_ _

____

He had never been so thankful for a chorus to come up so the other boys could sing again with him. He purposely let himself fade out as he stood on that stage trying not to cry, emotions to high. Looking out into the crowd, his eyes landed on the one person he didn't want to see just as he was about to sing the second verse. He locked eyes with Harry and this time didn't look away.

__  
_Everything will change_  
_Nothing stays the same_  
_And nobody is perfect_  
_Oh, but everyone's to blame, yeah_  
_All that you rely on_  
_And all that you can save_  
_Will leave you in the morning_  
_And find you in the day_  
_Oh, you're in my veins_  
_And I cannot get you out_  
_Oh, you're all I taste_  
_At night inside of my mouth_  
_Oh, you run away_  
_Cause I am not what you found  
_Oh, you're in my veins  
_And I cannot get you out_ __

____

____

When the song had finished and the lights were off, Louis' eyes remained locked on Harry's. Neither of them having the strength to look away, but Louis swears he saw a tear run down Harry's cheek just before he took a bow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure why the lyrics didn't all italicize. So, please forgive that!   
> As I stated before, I do not own the lyrics I used here.  
> The song is In My Veins by Andrew Belle.
> 
> Let me know what you think<3


	4. Over the Head, Below the Knees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!  
> I want to apologize for the delay in this chapter. I've been dealing with some hard doctor appointments and I just wasn't in a good head space for this.  
> I also apologize for the shortness of this chapter. I know this is far from my best work, but as I said, its been hard.
> 
> ANYWAY. This hasn't been beta'd so any mistakes are 100% my fault. 
> 
> I promise the next chapter will be back to normal and full of surprises!
> 
> I listened to Can I Be Him- by James Arthur for this chapter. It gave the vibe I liked.  
> Hope you enjoy!

After a performance, the boys always congratulated each other on how well they had done, so this time wasn't any different. They always made sure that each of them knew how valued and appreciated they were. They were a family after all, and family is supposed to have your back. What was different however was how Louis couldn't bring himself to join them. He couldn't stop thinking about the look on Harry's face. Not that he was able to have a whole lot of time to think about it because Liam was quick to point out Louis' unimpressed attitude.  
"You alright, mate?" Liam asked, "You did amazing. Let's celebrate! You deserve to have fun!"  
All of the boys nodded in agreement and Louis would be damned if he let the boys miss out on celebrating this milestone because of his broken heart. "Okay, yeah, let's get changed and head out!"  
At that, the boys raced back to their dressing rooms and never looked back.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Louis wasn't upset, really he wasn't, but he just wasn't feeling like going to party. He wanted to rest, the performance being more mentally draining than he could have ever imagined, so there he was, sitting in his dressing room, staring at his reflection in the mirror.  
He wanted to know what happend that he even got this point, that got them to this point, but truthfully Louis knew. He knew it wasn't all one sided, and that Harry wasn't the only one to blame. On break, he knew he could have reached out to Harry if he wanted to, even if it was against what their management wanted. He could have found a way, but instead he gave Harry what he thought he wanted: space. In hindsight, the few texts and emails were probably signs they were over, but Louis believed they were stronger than that. He still did.  
Admittedly, Louis just knew he wasn't going to be fun so he decided he was just going to tell the boys to have fun without him. He just wanted an early night in to let his feelings take over and not be in public when it happened. Nobody wanted a sad, drunk, Louis.  
He walked over to the door to leave and Zayn was waiting patiently on the other side. "You ready, Lou?" he asked the smaller boy.  
"Actually, I'm-" but Louis was cut off abruptly by a pair of wet lips colliding onto his own. His eyes widened when he realized it was Zayn. He tried to pull back, unsuccessfully, because Zayn's hands locked behind Louis' head. Zayn stopped momentarily to whisper to Louis, "Just go with it, yeah?" And fuck, Louis was already in deep but he trusted Zayn. Louis went onto his tip toes to threw himself into Zayn.  
Zayn pulled away from the older boy and looked over Louis' shoulder, staring deadly down the hallway behind him. Confused, Louis turned around to see a startled Harry standing barely a few feet away, frozen in the spot. He was shaking, fists clenched tightly to his sides, before he shook his head at Louis and walked off.  
"What the actual fuck, Zayn?! You knew he was there didn't you? You saw him!" Louis shouted. Zayn stood there, guilty, not denying the accusation. "You know what? I'm going home." He hit Zayn with his shoulder as he walked past.  
\--------------------------------------------------------  
Harry wanted to talk to Louis. He wanted to congratulate the boys on their single. After all, they had been as close as family once. He hadn't really thought about what he wanted to say, but his feet moved faster than his head. When he turned the corner to the hallway that led to their dressing rooms, he sure wasn't expecting to see Zayns tongue halfway down Louis' throat. He was stunned, unable to move, and no longer cared if he looked away. Zayn made eye contact with him and it left him shaken.  
So when Louis finally whipped his head around, Harry had already overstayed his welcome and he all but ran down back down the hallway. He didn't even stop when he heard his name called out to receive his award. He kept walking passed the back of the stage, and out to his car. He felt a hot wetness graze his cheek, only to find he had been crying the whole time. "Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!" he shouted and pounded his fist onto the headrest in front of him. Pulling out his phone, Harry made a simple phone call. "Paul, I need a favor."  
____________________________________________

Louis all but ran home. He had know idea how he even managed to get their without being mobbed by fans, but he was eternally grateful. He didn't have it in him to fake a smile. He was so mad at Zayn for betraying him. Louis didn't like Zayn, not like that at least, and he trusted him for some reason unbeknownst to him. He betrayed his trust and added that to the list of reasons why Louis' life felt like it was spiraling out of control. Louis still loved Harry; Zayn knew it too. Despite the bad times, the hardships, the drama they faced, Louis would never stop loving him.

His phone kept lighting up, showing multiple missed calls and texts from all of the boys, but Louis just turned it off. He hated his friends worried about him, but truth be told, he was just emotionally damaged and wanted to be left alone. He curled up onto the sofa, pulled the duvet over his head and drifted off to sleep. At least in his dreams, he was happy. He was with Harry, living the life they always dreamed of. 

Unfortunately for Louis, his slumber was interrupted early by a loud banging on the door. He tried to ignore it, but whoever was on the other side of the door was persistent. So Louis groggily moved from the couch to the door and ripped it open ready to boss the boys around when his blue eyes met green.

"H-Harry?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think!  
> I'm always open for comments & concerns!  
> <3


	5. UPDATE

It's with a heavy heart I am somewhat abandoning this fic.   
While I still have the plot, and a bunch more written, I just can't bring myself to finish this.  
I've honestly gotten a little burned out.   
I began writing this through some rough times mentally and when I work on it it brings back those memories.

I am terrible sorry for leaving this, but maybe one day I will come back to it.

HOWEVER.

I will be writing some more new stuff. New me, new stories.

Lots of Love,  
D.


End file.
